What is a Soulmate?
I'm regularly asked about soulmates, particularly by clients seeing me for past life sessions; they quite often want to know if someone they are close is their soulmate, or if indeed they will ever meet their soulmate.
It seems that many people believe there can only be one soulmate for them in their current lifetime. Also that a soulmate relationship will be romantic and intimate. Even Wikipedia seems to have this notion! "A soulmate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity. This may involve similarity, love, romance, friendship, intimacy, sexuality, sexual activity, spirituality or compatibility and trust.' But is this really what a soulmate is?Bonded together throughout eternity
In Chapter One of his remarkable book Only Love is Real, Dr Brian Weiss' says "There is someone special for everyone. Often there are two or three or even four. They come from different generations. They travel across oceans of time and the depths of heavenly dimensions to be with you again...You are bonded together throughout eternity, and you will never be alone."
Interestingly, on his website http://www.brianweiss.com/, in the ‘People often ask' section, he says "Having a soul mate connection does not mean that one is obligated to spend a lifetime together. One has many soul mates in one's lifetime. Often when the lessons to be learned in the relationship are completed, the relationship has a natural ending and the two souls move on. Also, there are many types of love and many types of soul relationships. Romantic love is only one of these types."
Soulmates are not only our partners
In her excellent book The Soulmate Myth Judy Hall says: "Our soulmates are not only those people who love us the most. We may have to learn forgiveness and compassion through interaction with an old soulmate who has reason to hate us, or who we have reasons to fear." She also says that meeting your soulmate is not always a pleasant experience, nor does it necessarily occur within a love relationship. "[They] come in many shapes and sizes according to what we need to learn in order to grow" and "Soulmates are not only partners; they may be parents, children, friends, mentors or pupils."
Soulmates have locks that fit our keys
Richard Bach, author of Jonathan Livingston Seagull, and many more inspiring books, says: "A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we're pretending to be....."
In his book Bridge Across Forever, Richard writes about finally meeting and marrying his soulmate after many years of searching. After 21 years of marriage, he and his wife divorced, and he later said "Leslie and I are no longer married. Soulmates, to me, don't define themselves by legal marriage." He goes on to say that when two people part, they are free to either call the marriage a failure or a graduation. He chose the latter and said "Our graduation was part of the experience we chose before we were born, to learn how to let each other go."
Many previous incarnations
Sue Minns, in her book Soulmates, describes a soulmate as "Another from your soul family with whom you have an intense connection. You will have had many incarnations together and a stronger bond than with others in your soul family. This connection may be wonderful or extremely difficult." She goes on to talk about the difficult ones having the effect of a spiritual pan scourer and the wonderful ones like being polished with a soft and beautiful duster, both being equally important.
My views on soulmates?
So that brings me to my own thoughts on soulmates. Like everybody else with an opinion on the matter, I can't pretend I actually know everything there is to know about them (how can I, whilst I'm here in human form!) All I can tell you is what I think...
For me, a soulmate is someone with whom we have an instant and very strong connection that can either be overwhelmingly positive or excruciatingly negative. This person can be of the opposite or the same gender and isn't necessarily someone we're going to spend the rest of our lives with. The relationship may be long or short, and it can either be sexual, familial or a close friendship. The emotions felt on each side may be strong and intense or calm and peaceful. In some soulmate relationships, the emotions can be initially very positive and then become so negative that they border on hatred. I'm sure you're aware of the very fine - almost invisible - line between love and hate. Whatever the relationship is, it will share a common thread: there will be a KNOWING between you that you cannot explain or put into words.
I believe we can meet not just one or even two or three soulmates in our life, but possibly many, and because it's no coincidence that we've met them, but was arranged before we incarnated, there's an important lesson for both sides to learn from the relationship, however short it may be. Depending on exactly what needs to be learnt (by both parties), and how long it takes will also influence the length of the ‘contract'.
Don't go searching...
One final word of advice. My understanding is that we don't find our soulmates by searching for them. They will come into your life as and when the time is right. You may already have some of them in your life, or some may have come and gone. You always knew they were your soulmates ~ you just didn't know that you knew!
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