Niki’s Health Triangle Magazine Articles

Caring for Carers at Christmas

None of us begin our lives imagining that one day we will become a carer for a parent, spouse, partner or even one of our own children. For some people, the role is one they take on gradually, as with elderly parents becoming frail or suffering from memory loss. For others it can happen suddenly, even dramatically, due to a serious illness, accident or the birth of a child with physical or mental health issues.

As the person requiring care becomes increasingly dependent, there is often little respite for the carer who then gets stuck in an apparently never-ending cycle of care, often 24/7, whilst experiencing guilt about taking time off. External support in the form of medical appointments and social services is almost exclusively centred around the person with the illness or disability, and the carer becomes increasingly isolated and lonely.

Prior to the World Wars, families mostly lived within the same communities, and care was willingly shared. The big change in demographics and reduced size of families, with grown up children moving to other parts of the world, has had a huge impact on family life, with increased reliance on friends and paid carers. 

Often, the voluntary carer has to give up their paid job, leading to a big drop in income and further isolation; and as time goes on, the feelings of anger and resentment are exacerbated, in line with their mental and physical exhaustion. Guilt swiftly follows, as they chide themselves for their selfish thoughts. Most carers find it hard to reach out and ask for support, and so they just ‘soldier on’ until they reach the point of near-collapse, and are forced seek help, often in the form of anti-depressants from their doctor.

How many carers do you know?  Please take a moment to consider this question carefully. Chances are that you know, or know of, several. You may not realise that public holidays, and even the extended summer holiday period, can be the worst times of year for carers, as they watch everyone else having fun, and they feel even more isolated and lonely.

What could you do to help them?  Would you be willing to call someone, or drop by and offer some help and support, perhaps extend an invitation, or even to just have a cup of tea with one of these people? 

Your gesture, however small, might make a huge difference to that person’s day, and give them a small but significant boost to carry on!

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