Niki’s Health Triangle Magazine Articles

The Feel Bad Distract Cycle

Are you one of those many people caught in the trap of feeling ‘bad’ and then using distracters to feel better?  Are you ‘doing-too-much’ eating, drinking, smoking, gambling, shopping, working or social media surfing?  Maybe you’ve tried cutting down or stopping your chosen distracter and wondered why you weren’t successful.

When I say feeling ‘bad’, I’m talking about feelings of discomfort or pain that are so old and familiar, you’re not even consciously aware of them, but you’ve learnt how to avoid them.

The truth is that all of our feelings are good, because they come from our inner or higher self, whose purpose is to motivate us to satisfy our needs, wants and desires.  If we didn’t have feelings, we wouldn’t know that these needs aren’t being fulfilled.

When we experience a bad feeling, we need to listen and ask which of our needs aren’t being met.  Unfortunately, we are more likely to find a way of squashing the feeling down by using distracters as a form of comfort, to give us temporary relief.  Over time, the relief lessens and then we experience the secondary feeling of frustration.

When we feel frustrated, what do we do?  We distract!

The reason why you can’t consciously stop this cycle of feel-bad-distract is because you have a programme running in your subconscious mind.  At some earlier time in your life, you had a bad feeling that wouldn’t go away and so you ate something, or drank something (or whatever), and briefly, you felt better. 

Your subconscious, which has a protective function, stored that information, and the next time you felt ‘bad’, it urged you to do the same thing to make you feel better.  Over time, you got caught up in a circle of Feel bad>>>Distract>>>Feel frustrated>>>Distract>>>Feel bad.

By learning to listen to our feelings, we can interrupt this cycle by taking positive action before turning to our doing-too-much habit. 

Next time you experience an uncomfortable feeling, try doing the following 3-step process.  Making notes each time will help you identify your personal patterns.

First, name the feeling.  For example: fear, anxiety, sadness, loneliness, anger, guilt, or stress.

Second, identify the cause of the feeling (an unfulfilled want, need or desire).

Third, look for a healthy and satisfying way to resolve the feeling, and take action to fulfil that unmet need.  This might initially seem a little daunting, but stick with it and you will soon experience the benefits of the outcome!

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